Qadi Abu Bakr ibn al-‘Arabi : Child Rearing and their Adherence to the Canon of the Sacred Law

Child Rearing and their Adherence to the Canon of the Sacred Law

An extract from the book Proximity’s Ladder by Qadi Abu Bakr ibn al-‘Arabi

Be aware that the child is a sacred trust placed in the hands of his parents. His pure heart is a priceless innocent soul that is devoid of impressions and images; however, it has the potential to be inscripted upon and to incline towards whatever takes its fancy. Therefore, if he grows accustomed to good and acquires knowledge of what is right, growing up in this manner, then he will be felicitous in this world and the next and his parents, teachers and caregivers will share in the reward. However, if evil is inculcated in him and he becomes neglectful, like an animal, then he will be wretched and damned and the sin is upon the neck of his caregiver and guardian. Indeed, God, exalted be He, has said, “ Protect yourselves and your family from a fire.” (66:6). And just as the father shields him from the fire of this world then it is obligatory that he protects him from the fire of the other world, with the latter actually being of greater importance.

Protection constitutes disciplining, cultivating as well as teaching him the excellencies of moral character. He should be protected from evil companions, never allowed to become accustomed to luxuries, neither should he have evoked in him the love of finery nor the means of comfort such that he squanders his entire life in pursuit of them, thereby earning eternal damnation.

However, it is imperative that one pays particular attention to him from birth, only

entrusting a pious religious woman, who eats what is lawful, with his custody or with his nursing, as milk that is the product of the unlawful is bereft of divine blessings. Therefore, whenever a child is nourished by it during this critical growth period it is kneaded into his essential nature such that he will naturally incline towards vile things.

When the imaginative period of discernment first appears then one should ensure that a careful eye is cast over him. This occurs when the signs of modesty first appear in him. So, if he is bashful and shy and abandons certain actions then that is indeed due to the emanation of the light of the intellect upon him such that he perceives some things as repulsive and different to others and thereby exercises modesty in the face of some things as opposed to others. This is guidance for him and a gift from God, indicating good moral character, a pure heart and that he will possess a wholesome mind when he attains puberty. Thus, a bashful child should never be held responsible; rather his modesty and discernment should be used to assist his moral development.

As soon as gluttony is noticed in him then he should be taught not to eat quickly, to chew his food well, to not eat continuously and to neither soil his hand or his clothes. He should be fed plain bread regularly as not to become accustomed to eating a condiment alongside it. Eating great amounts should be reviled in front of him by comparing one who does that to animals and a child that eats a lot should be rebuked in front of him whilst a well-mannered child who eats frugally should be praised in his presence.

He should be made to love preferring others when eating and to have little regard for it as well as being satisfied with course food regardless of what type of food it is. Preference of white clothes as opposed to coloured ones or silk should be inculcated in him. And it should be often repeated to him that they are peculiar to women or effeminate men and whenever one sees a child wearing coloured or silk garments then it should be declared loathsome and rebuked (in his presence).

It is then imperative for him to be registered in school so as to occupy himself with the

learning of the Qur’an, the words of prophets, the stories of the righteous and good folk

and what is similar to it. He should be prevented from listening to sensual poetry and

made to stay well clear of people of literature who erroneously claim that it is considered essential for the attainment of an elegant and compassionate disposition, as it will indeed sow corruption in the hearts of children.

Whenever a child displays excellent character or praiseworthy acts then it is imperative

that he is honoured, praised in public and rewarded in a manner that is pleasing to him. If he sometimes behaves in an unbefitting manner then it should be ignored and never revealed, nor should we attempt to disclose it or convey that it is conceivable that people could shun the like of him. This is especially the case if the child hides it and goes to lengths to conceal it as its disclosure could indeed inculcate insolence in him such that he consequently would not care whether he was caught or not. However, if he persists then he should be punished, privately, and be made to understand the importance of the matter at hand. It should be said to him, ‘if this gets out then you will be humiliated, publicly!’ However, be careful not to regularly scorn him as it could cause him to ignore censure and to engage in foul acts and to make words ineffective.

The father must ensure that the awe-inspiring effect of speech is preserved by only

scolding him occasionally. Mothers should strike fear into the child through the threat of

the father’s involvement and by preventing him from committing foul acts. Sleeping

during the daytime should be prohibited as it bequeaths laziness. One should, however, never bar them from sleeping anytime during the night but should deny them of a comfortable mattress in order to harden their limbs and to prevent obesity such that he is impatient in the midst of comfort, rather he should be habituated upon roughness in beds, clothes and food.

It is incumbent that he is prohibited from doing things in secret especially when he knows it is wrong, as if he is left alone then he will become accustomed to foulness. Likewise, on certain days, he should be given a routine of walking, exercise and sport so that he does not become bone idle. It should be made habitual in him during which he exposes the extremities of his body, doesn’t walk fast or let his hands hang loose, but keeps them close to his chest.

He should be prevented from boasting to his friends about anything that his parents own or about his food, clothes or other amenities. He should be inculcated with humility, generosity to everyone he interacts with and gentleness when speaking to them. He should be prevented from initially accepting anything from other children as it is unbefitting of a modest child, moreover, he should be told that loftiness is in giving, not taking and that taking is an iniquity even if he is poor. He should know that taking and greed are humiliating and disgraceful and they are habitual in dogs, look at how they wag their tails in anticipation of a morsel of food.

In general, it is reprehensible for a child to love or covet money. They should be warned

against it more important than warning them about snakes and scorpions, as the danger of child loving and desiring money is more severe than the danger of deadly poison, this stands true for adults also. Likewise he should become accustomed to avoid spitting in gatherings and to not blow his nose in the presence of others nor to cross his legs. He shouldn’t strike his chin with his palm, nor turn his back towards anyone. Neither should he touch his head with his forearm, as it is a sign of laziness. He should be taught how to sit and prevented from speaking too much, clarifying to him that it is a sign of impudence and a trait of the children of sordid folk.

Harvard Negotiation Project: 5 Lasting Rules For Negotiating Anything

How to negotiate! Cool:

I picked it up. As my friend suggested, it’s as relevant as it always was, a common sense approach to effective negotiation rooted in five basic ideas. And if you can manage to absorb and apply these five rules, you’ll be much better off going into your next deal.

Read here.

Pillars of Religon

Hafiz Abu'l-Hassan Tahir ibn Mufawwiz al-Muaffiri al-Andalusi wrote:

The pillars of the din for us are four expressions from the Best of Creation:

Beware of ambiguities

do without,

and leave what does no concern you

and act with intention

The Compedium of Knowledge and Wisdom Ibn Rajab Al-Hanbali(translated by Abdassamad Clarke)

Shaykh Abdul Hakim Murad: Bicycle

While covering Book 31 of Ihya in his Travelling Light DVD series, Shaykh Abdul Hakim Murad said religion is like riding a bicycle i.e. we are in a constant state of motion.

This made us reflect as we have heard other scholars say that one has to be in a constant state of increase in knowledge and effort to attain divine closeness. If we stop then we start going backwards. Perhaps its like walking on an escalator which is moving in the opposite direction or a treadmill.

Habib Ali: Spiritual Thirst

Habib Ali @ a gathering in Toronto last night:

"When you drink outwardly, your thirst is quenched. When you have spiritual drink, however, your (spiritual) thirst only increases."

Ice, slipping and life.

My friend and myself were walking on an iced area in a parking lot when I almost slipped. My friend asked if I was okay? I said I was okay and it wasn't bad as I expected to slip and was thus able to adjust immediately. The worse fall is when we fall when we don't expect to slip!

I was wondering how that is true for our lives too. We usually fall the worst when we think everything is under our control and things are going well. We usually do better when we take careful deliberate and considerate steps. This also made me reflect on the Quranic ayah:

"Turn not thy cheek away from men in scorn, and walk not in the earth exultantly; God loves not any man proud and boastful. Be modest in thy walk, and lower thy voice; the most hideous of voices is the ass's.'" Surah Lokman

Shaykh Abdul Hakim Murad: Dua for Good Company...

"We ask Allah SWT to bring us to people who will bring us to Him"

From Shaykh Abdul Hakim Murad's dua in this talk.

King and the Boy

Shaykh Talal covered this hadith at the monthly halaqa at Lote Tree. Shaykh Talal mentioned that even though the boy died in the end, it was he who won. Amazing. Read below:

Suhayb reported hat the Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, said, "Among those before you there was a king who had a sorcerer. When he was old, he said to the king, 'I am old, so send me a lad to whom I can teach sorcery.' He sent him a lad for him to teach. When the boy was on the way, he came upon a monk. He sat down to listen to his words and liked what he heard. Whenever he went to the sorcerer, he would pass by the monk and sit with him. When he came to the sorcerer, the sorcerer would beat him. He complained about that to the monk who said, 'When you are afraid of the sorcerer, say, "My family kept me." And when you are afraid of your family, say, "The sorcerer kept me."'

"While all this was going on, he came upon a great beast which was barring the people's way and said, 'Today I will find out who is better, the sorcerer or the monk.' He took a stone and said, 'O Allah, if what the monk does is preferable to You to what the sorcerer does, then turn this beast aside so that the people can pass.' He threw it and killed the animal and the people went on. He went to the monk and told him and the monk said to him, 'O my boy, today you are better than I am. I see the point that your business has reached. You will be tested and, when you are tested, do not point me out.' The boy used to heal the blind and the lepers and treat people for all their ailments. A companion of the king who was blind heard this and brought him many gifts. He said, 'All that I have gathered for you here is yours if you heal me.' He said, 'I do not heal anyone. It is Allah Almighty who heals. If you believe in Allah Almighty, I will pray to Allah to heal you." So he believed in Allah Almighty and Allah Almighty healed him. He went to the king and sat with him as he used to do. The king said to him, 'Who has returned your sight to you?' He said, 'It was my Lord.' He said, 'You have a Lord other than me?!' He said, 'My Lord and your Lord, Allah.' So he seized him and did not stop torturing him until he pointed out the boy. The boy was brought and the king said to him, 'O boy, your sorcery has reached the point where you heal the blind and the lepers, and you do such-and-such and such-and-such.' He said, 'I do not heal anyone. It is Allah Almighty who heals.' He seized him and did not stop torturing him until he pointed out the monk. The monk was brought and told, 'Renounce your religion.' He refused. He called for a saw and placed the saw on the centre of his head and split it until the two halves fell apart. Then the companion of the king was brought and told, 'Renounce your religion!' He refused, and the the saw was placed on the centre of his head and split it until the two halves fell apart. Then the boy was brought and told, 'Renounce your religion,' and he refused. He handed him over to a group of his companions and said, 'Take him to such-and-such a mountain, and take him up the mountain. When you reach its summit, if he has not renounced his religion, throw him off.' They took him and brought him up the mountain and he said, 'O Allah, save me from them in whatever way You will.' The mountain shook and they fell. He walked to the king and the king said to him, 'What has happened to your companions?' He said, 'Allah Almighty saved me from them.' He handed him over to a group of his companions and said, 'Take him and put him in a ship and take him to the middle of the sea. If he does not recant, then throw him into it.' They took him and he said, 'O Allah, save me from them in whatever way You will.' The ship capsized and they were drowned. He walked back to the king and the king said to him, 'What has happened to your companions?' He said, 'Allah Almighty saved me from them.' He said to the king, 'You will not kill me until you do what I command you.' He said, 'What is that?' He said, 'You should gather the people together on one plain and crucify me on a palm trunk. Then take an arrow from your quiver and put the arrow in the centre of your bow and say, "In the name of Allah, the Lord of the boy," and then shoot it. If you do that, you will kill me.' So he gathered the people together on one plain and crucified him on a trunk and then took his arrow from his quiver and placed the arrow in the middle of the bow and then said, "In the name of Allah, the Lord of the boy," and then shot it and the arrow struck his temple. He put his hand on his temple and then died. The people said, "We believe in the Lord of the boy." The king was brought and told, "Do you not see that, by Allah, your fear has brought about the very thing you were afraid of! The people have believed." So he commanded that a trench be dug with openings onto it and had fires lit in it. He said, 'Throw into it, anyone who does not renounce his religion or tell him to jump.' They did that until a woman came with one of her children. She hesitated to jump into it and the child said to her, 'Mother, be steadfast! You have the truth.'" [Muslim]