My thoughts: Muslim girl Death in Toronto

Some of you might have heard of this death in Toronto already:

Peel police said this morning that she died overnight.

Friends at the victim’s school said she feared her father and had argued over her desire to shun the hijab, a traditional shoulder-length head scarf worn by females in devout Muslim families.

This is very sad and may Allah SWT bless the soul of the deceased. There are two issues here: wearing of hijab and the other is raising/disciplining kids. There is a fat chance that these issues will be intermingled by the media . While some efforts have to be made to deal with the media , that should not be the main priority. The question the Muslim community should ask is "Why?" and see what long term measures can be taken to solve these issues. Of course it is unrealistic to expect a unified voice from the very diverse Muslim community but even at the level of every mosque questions need to be asked and answers should be sought out. How can we stop this from happening?


I remember being in a masjid sermon 3 years ago where the imam talked about how parents only start worrying about their kids practices once they it their teens. The problem is that lots of Muslim immigrants are used to large extended families-social networks and Muslim societies which facilitate the upbringing of the kids. So perhaps there is less onus on them on a day to day basis. The society takes responsibility. however if you import the same less intensive child rearing skills to a country like Canada where the social networks (specially for new immigrants) are not as extensive as their home countries-then there is a problem. If a new immigrant wants their kids to be the same way they would if they were growing up in their "home" country they are just setting themselves for disaster. They need to adjust-and they need to do it quick.

If a situation like this does arise where a daughter does not want to wear hijab and is being threatened by her parents into wearing it then she should have people she can go to who understand the family's cultural and religious context. This is where the problem of not enough "Muslim volunteers" in community support groups comes up. We need to have a presence in these groups. I remember talking to people who work at youth shelters who said that they usually dont know how to deal with muslim youth's families ( when Muslim kids walk into the shelter) and dont have any muslim volunteers who would be able to help them deal with cultural/religious issues at hand. Perhaps mosques should have a role in this as well and at least educate the people who come to the mosque on child rearing, rights of children, rights of parents, etc. At a recent local muslim event a a masjid volunteer uncle stood up and talked about the HUGE domestic abuse problems the muslim community is silent on.

Anyways-there is a lot to say but also a lot needs to be done. In the end we should not despair-this by the will of Allah and is a wake up call for us. Will we the muslim community rise up to the challenge? Or will we forget about it once this doesnt remain a media story? Or will we wait till we see these problems first hand? perhaps with our own kids?

Islamic Perspectives: Mind control and repentence

A post on the "Psychology Today" website made me ponder over bad thoughts ,we have about past sins. Or sins we are thinking about and might be tempted to do in the future.

I once mentioned the "Dont think of an elephant" theorem in one of my previous posts. It is a similar phenomena. The more you try to forget about something the more you think about it. As research points out:

You're not the only one who feels that way, says Harvard University psychologist Daniel Wegner, author of White Bears and Other Unwanted Thoughts: Suppression, Obsession, and the Psychology of Mental Control. His research has shown that trying very hard not to think about something almost guarantees that we will think about it.

Now I guess the question becomes what do you do when you think of something that you want to forget about or don't want to think about. You would try to offload it somehow and cut the means to that thought.

I connect this to Sinning and tawba i.e. the Islamic perspectives. When you commit a sin, you are islamically encouraged not to ponder about it and repent right away while cutting the means to it. As Sunnipath says:

1) One shouldn't leave repentance if one keeps falling into the sin. Rather, one should keep renewing one's repentance--while striving to fulfill its conditions of sincere remorse, leaving the sin, and resolving never to return.

Often, sins are the manifestations of bad habits that have crept into our lives, and it takes repeated renewal of resolve to rid oneself of them. The Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him) reminded us in many hadiths that, "Allah continues accepting the repentance of a servant until they take their very last breath." [Tirmidhi (3460) and Ahmad (5885), from Ibn Umar (Allah be pleased with him)]

(2) The key to successful repentance is not merely resolving to leave the sin, but to figure out what is leading to the sin, and to take the positive means to stay away from the causes of the sin.

So, for example, if one finds oneself watching impermissible things when using the internet alone at night in one's basement, then successful repentance would entail changing one's internet use such that the matters leading one to sin are avoided, while also fulfilling the conditions of sincere repentance (namely, remorse, leaving the sin, and resolving never to return).

The early Muslims used to say, "Whoever considers consequences is safe."

Instead you are encouraged to make tawba ASAP (i.e. repentance of sin which includes the acknowledgement of the sin to God) and move on. . Quoting from Sunnipath again:

The conditions for repentance are well known:

1. Leaving the sin;
2. Remorse over having committed the sin;
3. Resolve never to return to the sin;
4. (If it relates to the rights of another person, then to) Return the rights or property one wrongly took. [al-Bariqa fi Sharh al-Tariqa; Riyad al-Salihin]

If these conditions are truly met, then one can expect one's sins to be forgiven. However, one has to be very careful about how sincere one is in fulfilling one's conditions. It is recommended to seek forgiveness a lot, and to repent every time the sin comes to one's mind.

So you know what to do next time you try to get rid of bad thoughts.....Repent!

SAFSPACE: Lofty expectations

SAFSPACE talks about lofty expectations we have of people when we meet them for the first time. I fully agree with her. Now and then, I see peoplegetting disappointed with other people. More often than not the disappointment is self inflicted.

In some cases, the people with the expectations don't hold themselves to the same standard that they expect other people to live up to---A case of looking outside the window before looking at your own reflection in the mirror. On the other hand, as a result of these lofty expectations you may assume that other people hold you to the same standard that you hold them to which can either result in over-self criticism and low confidence or it can lead to further criticism of people around you just to make sure they are not doing better than yourself in terms of meeting your self defined standard. Anyways read the article.

SAFspace » Lofty Expectations

In the beginning, you are enthralled. When you speak to her for the first time, she is all glory and fascination. So polished, so passionate, so clever – you are privileged to be in her company, so desperate to be her friend. So you meet her in a little café. How’re things going, you ask lightly, tempering your excitement for fear of frightening her away. And you sit down, order something sweet, and settle in for a good hour’s talk. And then she says something that surprises you. Out of character, you think.

Facing Facebook...the Din way....

Well. Over the past few months I have been asked several times: "Are you on Facebook?" My reply is : "no... "

The fact that more and more people ask me about my presence on Facebook, as if it is a given that I should have a presence on Facebook has made me think or evaluate as to why I am not on Facebook.

The reason for not being on Facebook is not my laziness, neither is it an anti-corporate boycott ( like it is in the case of Wal-mart). I guess part of the reason for not getting on "Facebook" is based on my 4 month ( approximate) flirtation with Orkut---another soical networking website back in 2004. I remember finding Orkut fascinating as I was able to instantly connect to several of my high school ( or primary school..) classmates ..with whom I had been out of touch for an extended period of time. In addition, I was able to connect to local freinds too. PLus I was able to familiarize myself with newer friends by looking at their, social circle and the groups they were signed up to on the social networking site ( i.e. Orkut). Given the above benefits, I loved logging on to Orkut and was fascinated by it.

However sooner then I could realize what I was doing, the reality of Orkut-addiction donned upon me. I was spending many hours exchanging messages and connecting with people far away, while I let higher-priority tasks slip away in my real (non-cyber world) life. Moreover, I was addicted to browsing people's profiles to see what they were upto, which also had no tangible positive impact on my daily reality. The positive impacts that I was achieving through orkut could also be achieved though email which was less time consuming than orkut. These factors made me reconsider my position on Orkut and eventually led to the deletion of my Orkut account soon thereafter.


I guess Facebook is similar in some ways to Orkut though I have been told that it is better in the sense that it allows you to choose people who can view your profile, etc , etc. In other words you control the privacy of your profile. Nevertheless my expireince with Orkut has
made me vary of such a site. And i do not wish to test the utility of Facebook given the risk of addiction that lingers with such tests.

Anyhow, I am not "against" Facebook per say. I am "for" a cautious approach when dealing with Facebook.


After all it is a tool and if you know how to control and use it properly thenthere is nothing wrong with it. Howver if the tool controls your life then you know it is not a tool anymore, it is a
monstor!!