All Things Pakistani: The menace of dowry

A good exposition on the cultural practice of dowry in Pakistan. Reminds me of a contention by Sh. Abdul Hakim Murad: "Marriage: pay and display? Or the primacy of privacy?".

I wonder what the historic roots of dowry in India are? Anyways do read this article:

Among the many things that need to be revamped in the mainstream Pakistani society dowry would probably be one of the major ones. Sure no harm in giving the bride gifts on her wedding for her home and personal use but with the growing number of girls start staying unmarried simply because the parents don’t have the money to meet the ‘demands’ of the groom’s family, then it is a quandary that needs to be looked into. READ ON

Koonj: Divorcee

A must read poem by Bajee Koonj for people wanting to understanding the situation of women in Pakistan. While, one would like to think that these problems are limited to the poor uneducated classes of Pakistan, that is totally not the case. The expectations placed on the shoulders of women in most cases ( specially after marriage) there are idealistic and unrealistic. Anyways, go ahead and read this poem:

Divorcee

Hi there.
What happened to you?
He broke your heart?
Took you for granted?
Hurt your feelings, left you? Degraded,
dehumanized, derided you?

He treated you like dirt?
What’s new?

It’s your own fault, you know that, right?
Did you provoke him?

read the rest here

Toronto Star: A haven for South Asian women

Took me a year to find out that this Muslim Welfare Centre exists in Whitby. Weird that I eventually find out about this through the Toronto Star. Read the article. Kudos to the people who runs this centre. These domestic issues need to be addressed at every level in our communities. Cant put our hands on our eyes and pretend they do not exsist. Of course this problem is not unique to Muslim communities.

Regardless, I believe that the community itself needs to step up to resolve it's own problems because the community itself is the most skilled in understanding its own situation the best. I recall discussions I have had with volunteers from downtown shelters who complain about the lack of muslim volunteers, which often leaves them ill equiped to deal with Muslim youth. Specially when it comes down to understanding the roots of the problems that the Muslim youth face when they leave thier homes for these shelters. Yes, unfortunately quite a few Muslim youth end up in these shelters. Anyways read article below about some good work being done in Whitby.

A haven for South Asian womenA family shelter in Whitby offers refuge for abused Muslim women

Sara Shah sits in her near-empty apartment quietly studying her hands. With her long black braid and smooth, unlined face she seems much younger than her almost-40 years.

Sara (not her real name) moved here just a few weeks ago. There are no curtains, no showy knick-knacks. There's just a table and two shabby chairs. A handful of toys lines the floor along one wall.

Her 3-year-old son rides his tricycle in circles, the wheels thundering in the emptiness. Sara sends him to ride in the other room.

She takes a deep breath and continues with the story of the marriage she left just four months ago.

"For three years, it was like I was being burned alive............READ ON

Web MD: What makes wives happy

Interesting....

What Makes Wives Happy?


What do wives really want? A new study shows that for the typical American woman a happy marriage combines both modern and traditional ideas of partnership.

In a survey of 5,000 married women, wives who felt that their husbands were emotionally engaged were the happiest in their marriages. But wives who worked outside the home were not as happy as wives who didn't.

Far more than financial status or equal division of household chores, the single most important predictor of marital happiness among the women in the study was the
level of their husbands' emotional engagement. Wives who shared the view that marriage is a lifelong commitment with their husbands were also happiest in their relationships.

A more controversial finding was that women in the survey were happiest when their husbands were the main breadwinners for the family and when they did not work outside the home..................READ ON"

Who speaks for her?

From "United Nation" blog ( posted by sister Aaminah):

The politicians of my nation? The well-meaning feminists and leftists who want to "save" me? My family and friends who are "concerned" about so-called Islamists? My husband, my son, my brother, my father; whatever male family member is available?

I cannot be asked to speak for anyone else's experience or needs. If you want to know how a migrant worker feels, please, ask a few migrant workers. If you want to know why black men feel systematically disenfranchised, please, go meet with some of the boys on the corner and ask them. If you want to know how a Saudi woman feels about not being able to drive, or how an Afghan woman feels about the burqa, go to Saudi Arabia and Afghanistan and engage in dialogue with the women living it.

If you want to know what an American Muslim woman thinks, ask me. Don't ask my husband, my non-Muslim mother, my employer, or some Christian theologian. Ask me. I am only one, and my words do not represent every other American Muslim woman, but they do represent me. And I can speak for myself, thank you very much.

Mandatory Hijabs

It seems like one student Islamic society has taken the road of making Hijab compulsery for sisters who are invloved with that MSA. I recall back in the day when there were a few people in my former MSA ( when I was in school) trying to put something similar forward for our MSA. Sanity prevailed then, due to some wise heads who were making the decsions.

I understand that people who made this rule want only people who are fulfilling the obligation of Hijab to represent Muslims so that non muslims dont get the impression that Hijab is not a complusary regulation. But then where do you draw the line? Compulsary beards ( or a minimum length for beards) for brothers? Only people who eat halal meat to represent Islam ( yes there are Muslims out there who eat it all)?

I recall every time a new semester would start I would notice a lot of new sisters in our school. But then when I would ask one of the sisters about the new sisters, they would tell me these people arent new, they have just started wearing the Hijab. Please dont discrimnate against these people.

Please dont discriminate against Muslims to show non muslims what Muslims are. You might just be showing them what Muslims shouldn't be.

Sonia Naz

Pakistan is in the headlines for the wrong reasons again. Surprise, surprise the issue is woman related ..... This time it is Sonia Naz. Her husband Asem , a junior clerk in the government excise office was arrested (along with 17 others) in 2004 for forging documents for Stolen cars.

Press reports stated that the police bypassed the law and did not document these arrests." Instead Asem and the other men were detained in illegal custody with the intention of extorting money for their release.

Apparently for months after that the police continuously blackmailed his family asking for bribes ( The amount they demanded continued to increase). The family suffered terribly as a result and Sania having had enough went public about the case in May(it is easier to go public now with the media being more "free").

A few days later she was raped and told to stay quite or face dire consequences. She did stay quite about the rape incident till august 30 when she went to the media with her tragic story. Her Father In law wasn't happy:

" This stupid girl (Sonia) wanted to move courts, media and the National Assembly to seek justice against Abdullah. She used to make tall claims that she would fight against the injustice of the SP. Now, she has been given justice by police," Yousaf said, sarcastically, before breaking down again."

She was thrown out of her house and her sister in-laws wanted her divorced!!!!

More details about this case can seen on The Glasshouse Blog:

The blog also has background, subsequent events ,updates and links to more updates...

This incident summarizes : the corruption of the Police force; the fear that the common person has of the so called law enforcing agencies; the pathetic reaction of a family to a Rape Victim; and the reluctance of higher government officials to take action against the Police.

One Positive I do see out of this all is the role that the media played in this saga..