Qadi Abu Bakr ibn al-‘Arabi : Child Rearing and their Adherence to the Canon of the Sacred Law

Child Rearing and their Adherence to the Canon of the Sacred Law

An extract from the book Proximity’s Ladder by Qadi Abu Bakr ibn al-‘Arabi

Be aware that the child is a sacred trust placed in the hands of his parents. His pure heart is a priceless innocent soul that is devoid of impressions and images; however, it has the potential to be inscripted upon and to incline towards whatever takes its fancy. Therefore, if he grows accustomed to good and acquires knowledge of what is right, growing up in this manner, then he will be felicitous in this world and the next and his parents, teachers and caregivers will share in the reward. However, if evil is inculcated in him and he becomes neglectful, like an animal, then he will be wretched and damned and the sin is upon the neck of his caregiver and guardian. Indeed, God, exalted be He, has said, “ Protect yourselves and your family from a fire.” (66:6). And just as the father shields him from the fire of this world then it is obligatory that he protects him from the fire of the other world, with the latter actually being of greater importance.

Protection constitutes disciplining, cultivating as well as teaching him the excellencies of moral character. He should be protected from evil companions, never allowed to become accustomed to luxuries, neither should he have evoked in him the love of finery nor the means of comfort such that he squanders his entire life in pursuit of them, thereby earning eternal damnation.

However, it is imperative that one pays particular attention to him from birth, only

entrusting a pious religious woman, who eats what is lawful, with his custody or with his nursing, as milk that is the product of the unlawful is bereft of divine blessings. Therefore, whenever a child is nourished by it during this critical growth period it is kneaded into his essential nature such that he will naturally incline towards vile things.

When the imaginative period of discernment first appears then one should ensure that a careful eye is cast over him. This occurs when the signs of modesty first appear in him. So, if he is bashful and shy and abandons certain actions then that is indeed due to the emanation of the light of the intellect upon him such that he perceives some things as repulsive and different to others and thereby exercises modesty in the face of some things as opposed to others. This is guidance for him and a gift from God, indicating good moral character, a pure heart and that he will possess a wholesome mind when he attains puberty. Thus, a bashful child should never be held responsible; rather his modesty and discernment should be used to assist his moral development.

As soon as gluttony is noticed in him then he should be taught not to eat quickly, to chew his food well, to not eat continuously and to neither soil his hand or his clothes. He should be fed plain bread regularly as not to become accustomed to eating a condiment alongside it. Eating great amounts should be reviled in front of him by comparing one who does that to animals and a child that eats a lot should be rebuked in front of him whilst a well-mannered child who eats frugally should be praised in his presence.

He should be made to love preferring others when eating and to have little regard for it as well as being satisfied with course food regardless of what type of food it is. Preference of white clothes as opposed to coloured ones or silk should be inculcated in him. And it should be often repeated to him that they are peculiar to women or effeminate men and whenever one sees a child wearing coloured or silk garments then it should be declared loathsome and rebuked (in his presence).

It is then imperative for him to be registered in school so as to occupy himself with the

learning of the Qur’an, the words of prophets, the stories of the righteous and good folk

and what is similar to it. He should be prevented from listening to sensual poetry and

made to stay well clear of people of literature who erroneously claim that it is considered essential for the attainment of an elegant and compassionate disposition, as it will indeed sow corruption in the hearts of children.

Whenever a child displays excellent character or praiseworthy acts then it is imperative

that he is honoured, praised in public and rewarded in a manner that is pleasing to him. If he sometimes behaves in an unbefitting manner then it should be ignored and never revealed, nor should we attempt to disclose it or convey that it is conceivable that people could shun the like of him. This is especially the case if the child hides it and goes to lengths to conceal it as its disclosure could indeed inculcate insolence in him such that he consequently would not care whether he was caught or not. However, if he persists then he should be punished, privately, and be made to understand the importance of the matter at hand. It should be said to him, ‘if this gets out then you will be humiliated, publicly!’ However, be careful not to regularly scorn him as it could cause him to ignore censure and to engage in foul acts and to make words ineffective.

The father must ensure that the awe-inspiring effect of speech is preserved by only

scolding him occasionally. Mothers should strike fear into the child through the threat of

the father’s involvement and by preventing him from committing foul acts. Sleeping

during the daytime should be prohibited as it bequeaths laziness. One should, however, never bar them from sleeping anytime during the night but should deny them of a comfortable mattress in order to harden their limbs and to prevent obesity such that he is impatient in the midst of comfort, rather he should be habituated upon roughness in beds, clothes and food.

It is incumbent that he is prohibited from doing things in secret especially when he knows it is wrong, as if he is left alone then he will become accustomed to foulness. Likewise, on certain days, he should be given a routine of walking, exercise and sport so that he does not become bone idle. It should be made habitual in him during which he exposes the extremities of his body, doesn’t walk fast or let his hands hang loose, but keeps them close to his chest.

He should be prevented from boasting to his friends about anything that his parents own or about his food, clothes or other amenities. He should be inculcated with humility, generosity to everyone he interacts with and gentleness when speaking to them. He should be prevented from initially accepting anything from other children as it is unbefitting of a modest child, moreover, he should be told that loftiness is in giving, not taking and that taking is an iniquity even if he is poor. He should know that taking and greed are humiliating and disgraceful and they are habitual in dogs, look at how they wag their tails in anticipation of a morsel of food.

In general, it is reprehensible for a child to love or covet money. They should be warned

against it more important than warning them about snakes and scorpions, as the danger of child loving and desiring money is more severe than the danger of deadly poison, this stands true for adults also. Likewise he should become accustomed to avoid spitting in gatherings and to not blow his nose in the presence of others nor to cross his legs. He shouldn’t strike his chin with his palm, nor turn his back towards anyone. Neither should he touch his head with his forearm, as it is a sign of laziness. He should be taught how to sit and prevented from speaking too much, clarifying to him that it is a sign of impudence and a trait of the children of sordid folk.

Harvard Negotiation Project: 5 Lasting Rules For Negotiating Anything

How to negotiate! Cool:

I picked it up. As my friend suggested, it’s as relevant as it always was, a common sense approach to effective negotiation rooted in five basic ideas. And if you can manage to absorb and apply these five rules, you’ll be much better off going into your next deal.

Read here.

Pillars of Religon

Hafiz Abu'l-Hassan Tahir ibn Mufawwiz al-Muaffiri al-Andalusi wrote:

The pillars of the din for us are four expressions from the Best of Creation:

Beware of ambiguities

do without,

and leave what does no concern you

and act with intention

The Compedium of Knowledge and Wisdom Ibn Rajab Al-Hanbali(translated by Abdassamad Clarke)

Shaykh Abdul Hakim Murad: Bicycle

While covering Book 31 of Ihya in his Travelling Light DVD series, Shaykh Abdul Hakim Murad said religion is like riding a bicycle i.e. we are in a constant state of motion.

This made us reflect as we have heard other scholars say that one has to be in a constant state of increase in knowledge and effort to attain divine closeness. If we stop then we start going backwards. Perhaps its like walking on an escalator which is moving in the opposite direction or a treadmill.

Habib Ali: Spiritual Thirst

Habib Ali @ a gathering in Toronto last night:

"When you drink outwardly, your thirst is quenched. When you have spiritual drink, however, your (spiritual) thirst only increases."

Ice, slipping and life.

My friend and myself were walking on an iced area in a parking lot when I almost slipped. My friend asked if I was okay? I said I was okay and it wasn't bad as I expected to slip and was thus able to adjust immediately. The worse fall is when we fall when we don't expect to slip!

I was wondering how that is true for our lives too. We usually fall the worst when we think everything is under our control and things are going well. We usually do better when we take careful deliberate and considerate steps. This also made me reflect on the Quranic ayah:

"Turn not thy cheek away from men in scorn, and walk not in the earth exultantly; God loves not any man proud and boastful. Be modest in thy walk, and lower thy voice; the most hideous of voices is the ass's.'" Surah Lokman

Shaykh Abdul Hakim Murad: Dua for Good Company...

"We ask Allah SWT to bring us to people who will bring us to Him"

From Shaykh Abdul Hakim Murad's dua in this talk.

King and the Boy

Shaykh Talal covered this hadith at the monthly halaqa at Lote Tree. Shaykh Talal mentioned that even though the boy died in the end, it was he who won. Amazing. Read below:

Suhayb reported hat the Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, said, "Among those before you there was a king who had a sorcerer. When he was old, he said to the king, 'I am old, so send me a lad to whom I can teach sorcery.' He sent him a lad for him to teach. When the boy was on the way, he came upon a monk. He sat down to listen to his words and liked what he heard. Whenever he went to the sorcerer, he would pass by the monk and sit with him. When he came to the sorcerer, the sorcerer would beat him. He complained about that to the monk who said, 'When you are afraid of the sorcerer, say, "My family kept me." And when you are afraid of your family, say, "The sorcerer kept me."'

"While all this was going on, he came upon a great beast which was barring the people's way and said, 'Today I will find out who is better, the sorcerer or the monk.' He took a stone and said, 'O Allah, if what the monk does is preferable to You to what the sorcerer does, then turn this beast aside so that the people can pass.' He threw it and killed the animal and the people went on. He went to the monk and told him and the monk said to him, 'O my boy, today you are better than I am. I see the point that your business has reached. You will be tested and, when you are tested, do not point me out.' The boy used to heal the blind and the lepers and treat people for all their ailments. A companion of the king who was blind heard this and brought him many gifts. He said, 'All that I have gathered for you here is yours if you heal me.' He said, 'I do not heal anyone. It is Allah Almighty who heals. If you believe in Allah Almighty, I will pray to Allah to heal you." So he believed in Allah Almighty and Allah Almighty healed him. He went to the king and sat with him as he used to do. The king said to him, 'Who has returned your sight to you?' He said, 'It was my Lord.' He said, 'You have a Lord other than me?!' He said, 'My Lord and your Lord, Allah.' So he seized him and did not stop torturing him until he pointed out the boy. The boy was brought and the king said to him, 'O boy, your sorcery has reached the point where you heal the blind and the lepers, and you do such-and-such and such-and-such.' He said, 'I do not heal anyone. It is Allah Almighty who heals.' He seized him and did not stop torturing him until he pointed out the monk. The monk was brought and told, 'Renounce your religion.' He refused. He called for a saw and placed the saw on the centre of his head and split it until the two halves fell apart. Then the companion of the king was brought and told, 'Renounce your religion!' He refused, and the the saw was placed on the centre of his head and split it until the two halves fell apart. Then the boy was brought and told, 'Renounce your religion,' and he refused. He handed him over to a group of his companions and said, 'Take him to such-and-such a mountain, and take him up the mountain. When you reach its summit, if he has not renounced his religion, throw him off.' They took him and brought him up the mountain and he said, 'O Allah, save me from them in whatever way You will.' The mountain shook and they fell. He walked to the king and the king said to him, 'What has happened to your companions?' He said, 'Allah Almighty saved me from them.' He handed him over to a group of his companions and said, 'Take him and put him in a ship and take him to the middle of the sea. If he does not recant, then throw him into it.' They took him and he said, 'O Allah, save me from them in whatever way You will.' The ship capsized and they were drowned. He walked back to the king and the king said to him, 'What has happened to your companions?' He said, 'Allah Almighty saved me from them.' He said to the king, 'You will not kill me until you do what I command you.' He said, 'What is that?' He said, 'You should gather the people together on one plain and crucify me on a palm trunk. Then take an arrow from your quiver and put the arrow in the centre of your bow and say, "In the name of Allah, the Lord of the boy," and then shoot it. If you do that, you will kill me.' So he gathered the people together on one plain and crucified him on a trunk and then took his arrow from his quiver and placed the arrow in the middle of the bow and then said, "In the name of Allah, the Lord of the boy," and then shot it and the arrow struck his temple. He put his hand on his temple and then died. The people said, "We believe in the Lord of the boy." The king was brought and told, "Do you not see that, by Allah, your fear has brought about the very thing you were afraid of! The people have believed." So he commanded that a trench be dug with openings onto it and had fires lit in it. He said, 'Throw into it, anyone who does not renounce his religion or tell him to jump.' They did that until a woman came with one of her children. She hesitated to jump into it and the child said to her, 'Mother, be steadfast! You have the truth.'" [Muslim]

SHaykh Zahir: Zuhd

Shaykh Zahir's defination of Zuhd:

"Zuhd is knowing what is important and what is not"

Subway Station and Beliefs

At the beginning of SunniPath's highly recommended Tahawi course, Shaykh Hamza used this analogy to make us understand the need to understand our beliefs:

"You woke up suddenly in a crowd of people at a subway station (These people were busy entertaining themselves in various activates).

You then notice that an underground train pulls up repeatedly (at random intervals), and station guards select people (seemingly) at random, tie them up, and shove them into the train. The train disappears into a dark tunnel and the people are never seen again.

This happens again and again.

The people's disappearance is strange enough but whats even stranger is that people who are busy entertaining themselves continue to distract themselves with their activities even though they know that they will also be shoved into the train one day.

Any sane human being would want to know:

What brought me here?

Where are all of these people are disappearing to?

What do I do to ensure my safety?"

Subhanllah.

David Rhode: Held by the Taliban

A really interesting insight into how the Taliban controls Waziristan, etc.

David Stephenson Rohde is a New York Times reporter who was kidnapped by the Taliban in November 2008. He escaped on the night of June 19, 2009, and made his way to freedom after more than seven months of captivity in the mountains of Afghanistan and Pakistan. Mr. Rohde was part of The Times's reporting team that won a Pulitzer Prize in 2009 for coverage of Afghanistan and Pakistan. He gives his account of his experience as a captive in a five part series, Held by the Taliban.

BBC: A Tale of Two Pakistanis

Mohammad Hanif comments on the Pakistani Psyche in his piece:A Tale of Two Pakistanis

"What we tend to often forget is that the cultural activities we want the world to focus on take place in a middle-class, affluent bubble, with electricity generators on standby, private security guards with scanners, and which are often bankrolled by mobile-phone companies or fast food chains.

Outside this bubble, millions try to eke out a living, then go home to watch the horrors of the day on their split screens.

Not too many of them get to go to the theatre to sing along with those jaunty Abba songs even if Money Money Money is the only anthem allowed at the bottom of hell." READ ON

Financal Times: School exams fail the office test

Lucy Kellaway on school exams and office:

"Last week, I promised my daughters that whatever they do in their working lives, nothing will ever be as bad as this. It was 10.45pm and they were sitting at the kitchen table surrounded by notes on exothermic reactions and quotes from Paradise Lost. When all this is over, I assured them, what comes next will seem a doddle. GCSEs, A-levels and finals are a hell that nothing in the office will ever match." READ ON

Graham E. Fuller on Pakistan Afganistan

Former CIA station chief in Kabul and author of The Future of Political Islam says:

"Only the withdrawal of American and NATO boots on the ground will begin to allow the process of near-frantic emotions to subside within Pakistan, and for the region to start to cool down. Pakistan is experienced in governance and is well able to deal with its own Islamists and tribalists under normal circumstances; until recently, Pakistani Islamists had one of the lowest rates of electoral success in the Muslim world"

Read more at: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/graham-e-fuller/global-viewpoint-obamas-p_b_201355.html

Marriage Advice 2: A Wife-Shaykh Abdullah Adhami

"By getting married you are not just getting a wife, you are getting your whole world. From now until the rest of your days your wife will be your partner, your companion, and your best friend.

She will share your moments, your days, and your years. She will share your joys and sorrows, your successes and failures, your dreams and your fears. When you are ill, she will take the best care of you; when you need help, she will do all she can for you;" READ ON

Marriage Advice 1: Shaykh Faraz

As some of you know may know I had my nikah done a month ago. Alhamdulillah, as I tell people about this life changing step, I always ask for advice they have for marriage specially, if they are of age and married. To document this advice we will do a series of posts on this topic.

The first advice that comes to mind is advice from Shaykh Faraz who told me that people talk al kinds of theories, etc, but what it all comes down to at the end of the day is good character. if you have good character towards your spouse, you will have a good marriage inshahallah.

Rihla 2009 Quotes

Quotes from the Rihla 2009 Blog:

"It is astonishing how people can influence others, simply by keeping their company. Don’t take a companion unless their state elevates you, and that they take you closer to God. Don’t have friends that complain all the time. There’s nothing worse than to be around a complainer. Be around people that uplift you, that are positive, optimistic. Help people with their problems, but put yourself in environments that help you move forward. And don’t be of the people out there that don’t want to see others succeed.”

Taken from Shaykh Yahya Rhodus’ class onPurification of the Heart.

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“The dunya is the daughter of the akhira. If you marry it (the dunya), the akhira is forbidden to you.”

Taken from an Evening Session with Shaykh Yahya Rhodus

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“”You can’t reach everyone with your wealth nor your status, but you can reach everyone with your character.”

Taken from the Q & A session with Shaykh Yahya, Shaykh Faraz and Sidi Umar.

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“If you see people being like wolves, don’t be a lamb. And if you see people being like lambs, don’t be a wolf”

Taken from Shaykh Yahya Rhodus’ class onPurification of the Heart.

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“Be not content with stories of those who went before you. Go forth and create your own story.” – Rumi

Taken from Shaykh Yahya Rhodus’ class onPurification of the Heart.

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Imam Malik said, “I knew a people who had no faults, and they preoccupied themselves with faults of others; God gave them faults. And I knew another people and God gave them faults, and they preoccupied themselves with purifying themselves, ignoring the faults of others; God purified their faults.”

Taken from Shaykh Hamza Yusuf’s lecture on Israa Wal Mi’raaj.

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“Every single situation you are in is an opportunity to bring you closer to Allah.”

Shaykh Yahya Rhodus, during the Sister’s Q & A session.

Grape and Sadaqa

I heard Shaykh Hamza Y mention this in a lecture:

Yahya related to me that Malik said, "I heard that a beggar asked for food from 'A'isha, Umm al-Muminin, while she had some grapes. She told someone to take him one grape. He began to look in amazement. 'A'isha said, "Are you amazed? How many atoms' weights do you see in this grape?" (referring to Qur'an 99:7)

He and He

Sahl (al Tustari) said " O poor man! He was and you were not, and He will and you will not be. While you are today, you say: 'I, I'; be now as though you have not been, for He is today as He was."

From Imam Al Ghazali's Book XXXV of The Revival of the Religious Sciences, Ihya' 'ulum al-din. Faith in Divine Unity & Trust in Divine Providence- translated by David B. Burrell, C.S.C.

Carl Sandburg quotes........

• “Love your neighbor as yourself; but don't take down the fence”
• “Time is the coin of your life. It is the only coin you have, and only you can determine how it will be spent. Be careful lest you let other people spend it for you.
• “Life is like an onion: you peel it off one layer at a time, and sometimes you weep”
• Let a joy keep you. Reach out your hands and take it when it runs by.
• Let the gentle bush dig its root deep and spread upward to split the boulder.
• When a nation goes down, or a society perishes, one condition may always be found; they forgot where they came from. They lost sight of what had brought them along.

......the great aim of education

"..the great aim of education is not knowledge but action" Herbert Spencer

What Mothers Teach

A beautiful story from Beliefnet/Chicken Soup:

Many years ago, when my daughter Sara was in the fifth grade, she came to me with a life-gripping problem. As tears welled up in her big brown eyes, she began explaining her dilemma.

“Marcy hates me!” she cried. “She hates me because Kathy is my friend, too. She wants me to be her friend and nobody else’s.” Sara choked back her tears and said, “She won’t play with me if I hang out with Kathy. But, they are both my friends!”

Read on.

Bottled Water

A informative presentation on Bottled Waters.

Please dont drink it!

As-salamaua Alaykum Warahmatullah Wabrakatahu: Auto Hot Key

Some of you have noticed my long salams for the last few months:

As-salamaua Alaykum Warahmatullah Wabrakatahu and Walaykum Salam Warahmatullah Wabrakatahu .

I only have to type three letters for the above words to appear in their full form. Thanks to Shaykh Faraz's suggestion I downloaded this software called AutoHotKey which helps my salams and other common expressions like ( *PUNCH*). Do go and check it out.

BBC: Anatomy of a car crash

A sad documentary I just heard. One realizes the Importance of driving carefully and how its not just your own rights but rights of others which obligate you to drive safely.

Anatomy of a car crash

By Daily Mail Reporter
Last updated at 3:14 AM on 25th October 2008

A driver fights for survival, his brother lies dead, and the life of the woman who caused the smash is in ruins... the victims of a car crash tell their own stories

Lives can be changed in a split second: more than 30,000 people are killed or seriously injured on the roads each year, yet most incidents merit barely more than a few column inches in the local newspaper.

In Anatomy Of A Car Crash, Radio 4 attempts to trace the chain reaction of one fatal collision, which received barely any coverage yet has left many scars.

On a warm June evening last year, near Truro in Cornwall, 22-year-old nursery nurse Holly Hambly made a fatal error when she tried to overtake a slow-moving crane on a single carriageway. But, instead of pulling back into her lane when it became clear she would not pass the vehicle in time, Hambly kept going and smashed into the side of an oncoming car, The fallout was fatal and devastating.

The collision with retired policeman Dave Braddon led to him suffering serious injuries and the death of his brother, Michael, while Holly lost her job and suffered a breakdown as she awaited charges of causing death by dangerous driving. Here, those involved, from the victims to the paramedic, relive the events of that night.

Victim: Dave Braddon

THE VICTIM
Dave Braddon is a 55-year-old retired police officer from Cornwall

With 35 years in the police service, I'd dealt with thousands of road traffic accidents over the years, but I had no idea what it was like to actually be involved in one, or of the trauma it causes.

Of course, you don't see it coming. 18 June 2007, was a glorious, sunny day. I'd been retired for five weeks, my two daughters had left home, and my wife, Chris, and I were looking forward to an enjoyable life.

My brother, Michael, a hospital worker, had come over for the day, as we were all going to a neighbouring village for a feast day celebration. Chris was sitting next to me, in the front passenger seat, and Michael was behind her. We were travelling west on the A30 and had arrived at the brow of a hill when I saw the other car coming towards me.

I remember braking, then Chris saying to me, 'The car's on fire.' I opened the door and stumbled out, then fell to the floor. Blood was pouring down my face. Then I must have passed out. The next thing I remember is hearing a voice. Despite everything, I realised it was someone I knew.

It was the paramedic, Mark, who happened to be a friend; I'd worked with him on road accidents. It was a very strange quirk that he turned up at mine. Soon after that I must have slipped into unconsciousness because I have no other memories.

In hospital, six days after being admitted, I had an operation, intricate brain surgery, which lasted ten and a half hours. I had a craniotomy: my scalp was peeled back and titanium plates were fixed to my skull. They also rebuilt my eye socket out of titanium too. Sixty-three pieces of glass were extracted from my body.

I remember Chris telling me that Michael was dead before I had the operation. I felt numb - Michael didn't have a bad bone in his body. I was in hospital for five weeks, and bedridden for three months. At Michael's funeral I had to use walking sticks as I could hardly stand.

It was tough, but I didn't have a problem with going to court and seeing the driver who caused the accident. As far as I was concerned, she was facing up to her responsibilities, but I could see no point in giving her a prison sentence. She didn't set out that evening to cause mayhem.

We had a daughter the same age and we knew how heartbroken we would have been if the situation was in reverse. It would have served no useful point in inflicting that same injury on that person and their family.

At the same time, the consequences have been farreaching. Sixteen months later, people say, 'You're getting over it now', but you live with the trauma for the rest of your life.

Victim's wife: Christine Braddon

THE VICTIM'S WIFE
Christine Braddon married Dave in 1982

I remember it was a lovely evening and we were in no particular hurry. And I also remember seeing the car coming straight at us on the wrong side of the road. Dave braked and, just for a moment, I thought we'd made it. But we weren't that lucky. We were hit, and spun, and hit again and spun again.

The bonnet was up in the air, the horn was going off and there was smoke filling Dave's side of the car. I looked at Dave and all I could see was blood. He was saying, 'I think I've gone blind, I have to get out.' He got out of the car and lay on the verge. I laid down beside him and held his hand - he was pretty mangled.

By this time, I realised that Michael was in a bad state too. Someone was giving him the kiss of life. Even though he was seriously injured, he started making sounds - he was trying to talk - and I remember the man who was giving him cardiac resuscitation saying, 'Thank God, he's back with us.' But then we lost him again.

At the hospital, the doctors told me Dave needed brain surgery, but they didn't know how he was going to react. They said they might have to remove his eye, but, even if they could save it, he could well be blind.

They monitored him for six days, keeping him stable, before they could operate. Before he went into theatre, I wheeled Dave into a private room so that I could tell him that Michael was dead. He was so heavily sedated I don't think he took it all in, and he didn't know that I'd suffered broken ribs and very severe bruising.

Michael didn't live in Cornwall - although he had been talking about coming back - so, at his funeral, we draped a Cornish flag over his coffin. We think about him every day and miss him terribly, but we are starting to move forward. I'm just so glad we're still around. Things could have been so different that night.

The guilty driver: Holly Hambly

THE GUILTY DRIVER
Holly Hambly is a 23-year-old nursery nurse who lives outside Truro with her parents

It was just a normal day. I was just driving home from work and there was a slow-moving vehicle in front of me. I peered into the distance and it looked like nothing was coming the other way, so I decided to overtake.

I realised very quickly that I was in trouble. All I could think was, 'What to do now?' I was either going to have to drive into the lorry that was in front of me, or the car that was coming in the opposite direction, or onto the verge. My car juddered and came to a halt.

I remember getting out of my car, turning round and seeing the devastation in front of me. All I could say was, 'What have I done, what have I done?'

I was put in a police car with a constable. At one point he got out and when he got back in he said, 'I'm sorry to say Michael Braddon has passed away, and I'm arresting you on suspicion of causing death by dangerous driving.' I didn't know what to say, or do, or think.

I just sat there and tried to gather my thoughts. I couldn't believe that I'd caused an accident that had actually killed someone.

When I got to the police station I had my prints, DNA and photo taken, and then they put me in a cell on my own. I think I was there for about five hours, just hiding under a blanket. When they let me go home, I couldn't tell my parents that I'd been arrested, so the constable accompanying me had to.

My life stopped from then on. I wasn't allowed to return to work and all I could do was wait for the trial. Sometimes, I wouldn't even get out of bed, and I pretty much shut everybody out. I became very paranoid.

Somebody could say my name and I could turn it into something more: that they were talking about the accident, saying I was a horrible person and asking why I was the one who was still alive. If I could change that day, I would, with a click of my fingers.

In court I was so frightened. I remember standing in the dock and seeing the Braddons. That was hard, because I hadn't seen them since the accident. When I heard Mr Braddon's statement, in which he said that he saw no purpose in me going to prison, I remember thinking, 'How could he be that nice to me?' It's very hard to deal with. You expect someone in that position to be horrible, then you hear him making a statement like that - after all his family have been through.

I still thought I'd be sent to prison, so it was an enormous relief to be given a five-year driving ban, a £500 fine, a year's suspended sentence and 240 hours unpaid work.

I accept full responsibility for what happened - my decision that day caused the accident. Life is different for me now, because I'm always going to have the accident in my head. I've never spoken to the Braddons, but I'm sorry every day that they've lost a brother, and I'm so grateful for the forgiveness they've shown me,

because they've allowed my family to move on. Getting back into childcare will probably be my next step, once I've done my probation work, and if people are willing to give me a job now that I have a criminal record.

THE DRIVER'S MUM
Nikki Hambly is Holly's mother. She is a cleaner and lives just outside Truro

When Holly rang to tell me she'd been in an accident, my first question was, 'Are you all right?' Then I asked about everyone else. She said, 'Not so good, Mum.' That's when our little world fell apart.

Back home, she was okay for a while, but then, one night, she came home after being out with friends and had a massive breakdown, sobbing and crying. She was frightened, saying, 'I don't want to go to prison', and I was thinking, 'I can't promise you that.' By the November she had a complete breakdown. It was terrible.

To this day, I think a lot about the other family, about how they're coping and how sorry we are that they lost a brother. I wish I could change it: if only she'd been ten minutes earlier or later. But the bottom line for me was, I had to look after my daughter. It never occurred to me that we'd ever have to go through anything like this, but it could have happened to anybody. It's probably happening today to somebody.

The paramedic: Mark Fuszard

THE PARAMEDIC
Mark Fuszard is based in Newquay

As we approached the scene, I saw one particular vehicle, which was the centre of attention, and I could see that someone was receiving CPR. It was obvious that this patient wasn't breathing and was in cardiac arrest - in other words, we needed to get him into a resuscitation room as fast as we could.

Just before we left the scene to go to hospital, I quickly went round to the driver of the vehicle and asked the paramedic who was dealing with him what this patient's condition was. Then a voice said, 'Is that you Mark?' and I realised it was Dave. I was stunned - as a paramedic you have to take yourself outside the emotion of the situation, but knowing one of the victims made it become very real. I still had to be professional, though, and get on with the job.

We were working on Michael the whole time we were in the ambulance, then we wheeled him into the hospital where the doctors and nurses took over.

They worked on him for about ten minutes before they realised there was nothing more they could do. As I walked out, Dave was being wheeled in by another paramedics. I couldn't make eye contact; I had to look away. I didn't want to be the one to tell him that his brother was dead. I just couldn't have done that.

THE INVESTIGATING OFFICER
Nick Hamblin is senior investigating officer in one of Cornwall's roads policing unit

Because the offence was a very serious crime, the investigation needed to be very thorough to produce the evidence to support the charge. It lasted for five months, with my team systematically going over everything that had happened that evening, looking at positions of vehicles, taking statements, examining the evidence.
I think the outcome was fair for everyone. You had a young woman who hadn't set out to kill anybody, but, by the same token, Michael Braddon didn't expect to die that day. Holly made a grave error and got it horribly wrong, but she will live with that for the rest of her life.

Anatomy Of A Car Crash is on Thursday on BBC Radio 4 at 8pm.

Listen here:
http://downloads.bbc.co.uk/podcasts/worldservice/docarchive/docarchive_20090529-1610a.mp3

Shaykh Hamza: "Relax, your in good hands"

"If you take a child and you throw the child up- there is a point where....... they go into this state of complete panic and then when they come back to your arms---they are laughing. That is Dunya. I guarantee you That moment ( in the air)--that is your life. You came from God and your going back to God. And there is just a moment where your in a complete state of panic but..just relax..Your in good hands....."

Shaykh Hamza Yusuf, 17 Benefits of Tribulation ( Audio CD)

Good and bad companions

It is related that Abu Musa reported that the Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, said, "The metaphor of a good companion and a bad companion is that of someone possessing musk and the bellows of the blacksmith. From someone possessing musk you either buy it or smell its scent while the bellows of the blacksmith either burn your body or your clothes or you smell a foul odour from them."

Sleep with the dogs....

I heard a scholar use the following phrase when explaining the importance of keeping good company:

"Those who sleep with dogs will rise with fleas"

Watching what one says

I was once talking to a learned Shaykh about watching what one says. He made an interesting analagy.

He told me the problem with some people ( who talk to much ) is similar to hadath ( a condition where one cant control one's excrement's).

Scary!

May ALlah help us control our tounges!

Punjabi Wise Sayings 9: The Gardener

Mali da kam pani dena bhar bhar mashkan paway
Malik da kam phal phul laona laway ya na laway

Translation

The gardener's job is to water ( the garden)

Working hard day after day

It is God's job to make the fruit grow ( in the garden)

And it's up to God to decide to make the fruit grow or not

Commentary:

The Gardner's job is to water the garden and work hard day after day. Hence the gardener is only responsible for taking the means and working hard. The results ( fruits) of this hard work are in God's hand and hence it is God's decision if he makes the fruit grow or not i.e. it is not for the Gardener's job to worry about the results of his hard work.

Quote

“I skate to where the puck is going to be, not where it has been.”

Wayne Gretzkey

Food for Thoughts

Hadrat Ali ( May Allah be pleased with him) said:

" Be in Allah's estimation the best of people, and in the estimation of your nafs the worst of people, and in people's estimation just a man amongst people"

Malik ibn Dinar said:
"Remedy three things with three- pride with humiliy, greed with contentment, and envy with sincere advice."

It is said:
"The movement towards obedience is evidence of knowledge, just as movement of the body is evidence of its vitality."

From Preparing for the Day of Judgement, Imam ibn Hajar Asqalani

La Adree Institute!

After all the hype (?), we are finally here. This organization will change the landscape of islamic learning in the West and East; North and South; Online and Offline. Its here!

La Adree Institute.

Translated into english La Adree means "I dont know".

The problem with our times is that there are a lot of people who think they know but they dont really know. La Adree Institute is here to teach people that they dont really know. So all we know is that we dont know either, so thats all we can teach you.

Whats our vision? We dont know.

Who came up with this idea? We dont know.

Who are our teachers? We dont know.

Whats our location? We dont know.

How many students do we aim to reach? We dont know.

Why are you using "we" Are there more than 1 person in the organization? We dont know.

When is the first class? We dont know.

Will the classes be weekend programs or halaqa style? We dont know.

Who can you contact for more information? We dont know.

Whats our brand? We dont know.

Whats our logo? We dont know?

Whats our website? We dont know.

Who heads La Adree Institute? We dont know.

What do you know? The only thing we can tell you about La Adree Institute is that we dont really know and we want you to know that you dont know either!

La Adree. Drown yourself! (in your lack of knowledge)

Lost Generation

Someone forwarded us this text based video to us. The (text only) video is very thought provoking for sure. ( even though it is only 2 minutes).

The North Wind and the Sun

We heard a Shaykh read this small story. It is very insightful.

"I am stronger than you," said the North Wind to the Sun.

"That is not true," said the Sun. "Everyone knows that I am the stronger."

"Show me that you are stronger than I," replied the North Wind. "You know very well that you are not."

"Do you see that traveler coming? I can make him take off his coat. You can not," said the Sun.

"We will see about that," answered the North Wind. "The one that makes the traveler take off his coat is the victor."

"All right," said the Sun, "and you may have the first trial."

"Whew! How the North Wind blows," said the traveler. "Whew! whew! Hold on there, North Wind; I would rather walk than fly. Whew! whew!

"How cold it is! I must button my coat uptight. Whew! whew! whew! I never felt such a wind before," said the traveler, as he folded his arms over his breast. "It seems determined to tear off my coat. I will turn my back to it. Whew! whew! whew! whew!" But the more the wind blew, the tighter the traveler held on to his coat.

At last the North Wind said, "I will try no longer, but you, Sun, can do no better."

The Sun said nothing, but came out from under a cloud and smiled down upon the traveler.

"How good that feels!" said the traveler. The Sun shone on. "It is getting warm," said the traveler, unbuttoning his coat.

It was now past noon. "The Sun is too much for me," said the traveler, and he threw off his coat and hunted for a shady place.

The North Wind's harshness had failed. The Sun's gentleness had won.

(from Fifty Famous Fables , by Lida Brown McMurry)