Brown Lot

A good friend of mine wrote the following:

Us brown lot are weird people. We're not like the rest of them. Come, take a
look at the differences between us and them ...

1. If one of them says yes, he means yes, as in, yes. If a brown guy says
yes, he means yes as in no. Or yes as in, "maybe if I feel like it I will
think about it and then say no". Or if you're lucky, yes as in, "man I am so
totally gonna do it, you just watch it'll be done before you know it ...
actually, forget it".

2. To those guys, 5 o'clock means 5:00. Maybe 5:02, rarely 5:05, never 5:10.
To us, 5 o'clock means 6 o'clock. Maybe 6:30. Sometimes it means "I'll leave
my place at 6 and lets see when I get there", usually its a case of "I was
here at 5 and then I went to look for you and when you showed up I wasn't
here so you went to look for me, and while we were looking for each other
the 3rd guy showed up and saw nobody was here so he left." In any case, when
people say 5 o'clock, don't hold your breath. You call them at 6 "yeah I'm
on my way"; you call them at 7 "I'll be there in a minute"; you call them at
8 "yup I'm at your front door"; you call them at 9 and you get a busy
signal; finally they'll show up by 10 and you think oh well, lets have
dinner instead of lunch. And then they say, "man, I'm not feeling too
hungry, I just ate." Then you take an axe and chop them in half.

3. If one of them is wet, either he got caught in the rain, or maybe he just
came from the gym. If a brown guy is wet, he must also have just come from
the gym ... alrite, who am I kidding, everybody knows the man's going to
pray.

4. If you see one of them going to the washroom, you patiently wait outside
for 2 minutes and he comes out. You see a brown dude go to the washroom,
pack your bags and go back to Toronto coz that dude aint coming out in
your lifetime.

5. If you find a brown guy in engineering, it is quite likely his parents
forced him to go there. If you find a white guy in engineering, call the CBC
and report your discovery immediately.

6. If their cell phone rings, its their friends. If your cell phone rings,
its your mum. Or your dad. It also means its time to go home.

7. White guys line up for Bomber . Brown guys line up for Fed Bus .

8. It follows that if one of them is sleeping in class, he was at Bomber the
nite before and didn't get home till 4am. Excusable. You see a brown guy
sleeping in class, its because he had too many kebabs for breakfast and
ofcourse, between digesting beef and digesting calculus, your body can only
handle one thing at a time.

9. You see one of them messed up a midterm, most likely he got stuck with a
bad prof or a really hard course. You see a brown guy messed up, its because
his friend who took the course last term lost all his notes, can't find his
old midterm, and doesn't resemble our buddy enough to write his midterm for
him.

10. And finally, you all knew this was coming, you see one of them guys
trying to impress a girl because they hope maybe she'll give him her number
and they can go out sometime. You see a brown guy asking for her number so
he can get someone to call her house while she's not home and get her father
to call his Dad and arbitrarily order her to marry him and then she has no
choice but to marry him and she thinks "I should have listened to my parents
and not given out my phone number to strangers". So much for being a rebel.

Yes, its complicated; but my friend this is how stuff works around here.